“Joy of Pepsi”

by Britney Spears

What is the greatest song ever written? Beethoven's 9th? The Beatles' Hey Jude? Rock and Roll Party (Up Your Ass) by Jesus Christ and the Apostles?

None of the above.

The greatest ever is "The Joy of Pepsi" by Britney Spears. This song features an angelic chorus and amazing beat, not to mention Britney's sexy-as-hell vocals. Whatever corporate shill wrote this song somehow managed to take the Britney Spears style of music and make it one million times better than her actual music, then put in a bunch of lyrics about Pepsi. This song makes drinking Pepsi sound better than fucking, better than falling in love, better than ascending to heaven to recieve a blowjob from the Virgin Mary. I don't know if you can find it on any album, but you don't have to feel bad downloading it from the internet, because it's just a big ad for Pepsi-Cola—they should pay you to listen to it. I'm not shitting you guys, this song is the greatest piece of music the "teen pop" explosion ever produced. Except for "Larger than Life" by the Backstreet Boys. Britney, your song about Pepsi is so much better than a shitty glass of Pepsi, it is as if Michelangelo had painted a Sistine-Chapel-level masterpiece about Mellow Yellow.

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