“The Magician’s Birthday”
by Uriah Heep

If there's one thing in the world that is totally, totally lame, it's magicians. These sad drama club rejects attempt to amaze us with rabbits, ugly tuxedos and neatly shorn moustaches. And they always fail. The surest way to tell if someone is a closeted pedofile is if they tell you their interests include "magic." Everyone hates them. Everyone except British rockers Uriah Heep. Uriah Heep loves magicians so much that they actually wrote a birthday song to them. You know how Stevie Wonder wrote a birthday song for his hero, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? Uriah Heep wrote a 10-minute birthday song for their heros, the second-rate Neil Diamond impersonators known as Magicians. And they called their song "The Magicians Birthday," and stuck a 4 minute wah-wah guitar solo in the middle of it.
Remember when you were a kid, and some weird 42 year old "confirmed bachelor" from the trailor park just outside of town would come to a birthday party and make cock shaped balloon "animals"? Did you ever wonder what his birthday party was like? Wonder no more, because Uriah Heep describe a magician's birthday in detail. As they say:

Let's all go to the magician's birthday
It's in the forest, but not so far away
Much to do and so much to say
While we listened to the orchid orchestra play.

(Kazoo solo - NOT MAKING THIS UP)

So a magician's birthday involves sitting in the woods, imagining you are listening to flowers "jam." I suppose you probably need an 80-gallon drum of LSD to really enjoy this party, which I imagine the magic-lovers in Uriah Heep had consumed an hour or so before writing this song, which does have some sweet guitar riffing (in the aformentioned 4 minute solo section) and pretty catchy melody.

Also, and don't ask for the context of this line, because their isn't one, but you just can't hate a song whose final verse is as follows:

You cannot fight me for I have the sword of hate
But one thing you can't see, my answer is simply
An impenetrable fortress
Of love - love - love.....

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