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| Knoxville
Plenty of college kids abound in this burg a hundred grand strong, most of them attending the University of Tennessee, the rest of them drunk, confused and on the way back from Mardi Gras. Could this explain why I spent an hour sitting in backed up interstate traffic waiting for emergency teams to clear the demolished remains of a mondo pick-up from the roadway? Probably. Oh, and for anyone who'd like to get some traffic information from the Knoxville radio dial, hope you like God, God, Sports, God, Talk, Country, Country, Classical (Rock) and God. |
 Knoxville: Our priorities are in order. |
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Virginia - Wytheville The seat of Wythe county ("A certified business location") takes "Small town ... big experience" as its mantra. This tiny hole ensconced within western Virginia's Boredom Belt is deeply proud of its Corn Maizes. Ok, you see, "maize" is another name for corn, the food. But it is also a homonym, because the word "maze" sounds like it, but means "An intricate, usually confusing network of interconnecting pathways." So, get this, they make mazes out of stalks of maize. Ergo, the Corn Maize...if you prefer, "An intricate, usually confusing network of interconnecting pathways made out of food." This is what you're left with after you run the Chuck E. Cheese's out of town. |
| Salem This picturesque little town is arrested to the nearby minitropolis of Roanoke like an adorable, hilly tumor. Salem's Ramada franchise has elected to model itself after the hotel from The Shining, mounting it precariously on a cliff overlooking the sleepy, steepled city below. When you order a pizza, make sure to tell the delivery guy "it's The Shining one," or your single-with mushrooms will find its way to the downtown Ramada, which is slavishly styled after the New York fleabag where Sid killed Nancy. |
 I hope its clear I didn't really get out of the car today. |
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Destination:
Awesome