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| Clarksdale
The intersection of highways 61 and 49 in the middle of town marks the exact spot where prodigal blues musician Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil for the ability to play the guitar better than any man alive. Johnson's influence on rock music can still be felt even today, as he sits in a lake of fire up to his neck while the foul demon Abbadon drives searing hot blades through his tender spine. Johnson's fame drew legendary A&R man John Hammond to the delta in an attempt to book the guitar picker to a 'legitimate' blues concert, but by that time Beelzebub, in the person of a jealous lover, had poisoned Johnson to death and banished his soul to the eternal tortures devised by evil Belphegor and unmerciful Moloch. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were among those white rockers who revived Johnson's reputation in the early '60s, even as cruel Asimoth wrapped Johnson's tongue around his barbed and venomous tail, shredding it forever while Lucifer himself repeatedly melted Johnson's eyes and drained them painfully out of his teeth. |
 Let's see...church, church, monument commemorating Satanic bargain, church. |
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Tennessee - Memphis If you want to see upper middle-aged white people openly weeping, Graceland is just the ticket. Now put on these headphones to enjoy a canned audio tour; actual human beings shall not impede your ability to commune with The King. Each room has been painstakingly restored exactly to mid-1970's condition, and such delights as the Jungle Room (with its shag-carpeted ceiling) and Elvis' bed (sporting a furry white canopy with a built-in eight track player) make you wish he'd lived into the 1980's, to see what kind of decorative damage he could really do. Man. And you thought you had a lot of rhinestone encrusted eagle capes. |
| Brownnsville Welcome, sir. Yes, we have plenty of rooms. I'll just run your credit card...oops. What? Well, I put the decimal point in the wrong place. So I charged you 436 dollars. That's the first time that's happened, I swear. I usually double check it. Reverse it? Well, I don't know how to do that. I don't have the right code. The manager, he knows how to do that. He'll be here later. When? I don't know, after 10 or something? I'm not his boss, ha ha.
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 We won't say which motel... |
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Destination:
Awesome