Destination: Awesome
Day 2, continued

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Arizona – Picacho Peak

Western Arizona: this picture 9,000 times in a row.	Picacho Peak: Bloody conflict pitting brother against brother starting to look pretty good.

You won't see much in this part of southwestern Arizona except the famous saguaro cacti, which can otherwise only be seen in Roadrunner cartoons, countless western films, and the novelty souvenir clock your uncle used to have hanging in the rumpus room. Farther along is a sunken looking chunk of rock known as Picacho Peak, site of the westernmost battle in the Civil War. Nobody really knows why the two sides decided to fight, but I have this theory that despite the engaging pastime of staring at countless examples of the famous saguaro cacti, they were possibly BORED OUT OF THEIR EVERLOVING MINDS.

Tombstone

From atop Boot Hill, the authentically historic Tombstone single family units.

Yee-haw! Pardner, if this ain't the rootinest-tootinest tourist trap in all the Southwest, I'll be a dead Chinaman's leprosy! Speaking of dead Chinamen, if that's your thing, then saddle up and ride to the authentic, historically pre-served Boot Hill cemetery [see sidebar]. Or if you're in the mood to take a break from the hot sun, mosey on down to the authentic historical Tombstone film house, where wild west icon Vincent Price narrates a movin' picture show about the OK Corral which is truer than a blind Injun's aim! Or if y'all want some authentic WWW (Wild Western Web!) action, belly up to the historical authentic Tombstone internet café! Or you've had too much historic authenticity, run over and throw up into the authentic historical Tombstone ditch! Says here on the plaque that's where Doc Holiday threw up.

New Mexico – Lordsburg

On the road to Lordsburg, just before the AZ-NM border, you’ll find a phallic sculpture, like a pine cone wearing a condom, commemorating the surrender of Geronimo to Union forces in Skeleton Canyon, and if that's not a He-Man playset I don’t know what is. The mountains grow more distant from the road and the brush gets dryer and sparser as western New Mexico approaches and finally becomes fact. John Wayne's character in Stagecoach was apparently headed to Lordsburg. When he got here, I hope he rejected the Days Inn in favor of the Holiday Inn, 'cause that Days Inn smells like a hospital dumpster.