Sports is an unrelenting machine that does not take religious holidays. Even though it should, even though it is going to hell. Just ask the Knicks. Here are the answers to this week's sports questions.

“Before the season, everyone was carping on the Cardinals' new lineup, saying how much worse it was. But Eckstein doesn't have to replace Renteria's power numbers; he's hitting leadoff. He's patient at the plate and his on-base percentage is solid, so how is this a major dropoff?”

-Pat Edwards, St. Cloud, Missouri

A: I've given this a lot of thought, and here's what I've come up with: What? Seriously, what are you talking about?

“Do you think the Salamanders would be a good name for a sports team?”

-Dougie James, Muncie, Indiana

A: Well, that's pretty cool sounding, but I think you need to jazz it up a bit. How about the Tiger Salamanders? That's a real thing. Tiger Salamanders are one of the largest species of salamanders. They can grow up to 13 inches long, like this guy I knew once. That's what he said anyway. No one really believed him. Anyway, it's a pretty cool name.

“When people list the best Jewish athletes, doesn't it seem like they always passover Phillies catcher Mike Lieberthal?”

-Drew Schafer, Madison, Wisconsin

A: That's true. And when people list the best black accountants, doesn't it seem like they frequently forget Edward Valentine, CPA?

“Does answering sports questions make you famous? Do you have a posse?”

–Ellis Mallett, New Bremen, Ohio

A: I have an apostrophe. Here he is: ’. Say hi.

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Michael Northrop is a writer and editor living in New York. There may be others. Send your sports-related questions to michael@supermasterpiece.com.

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