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“Who are the players to watch in the NFL Draft on April 23-24? And who will the 49ers take with the first pick?” -Albert Fuso, San Francisco, California A: The players to watch are the best ones. Because they will be taken first. Look for players who are larger, stronger, and faster than the other ones. Another thing to look for is a player with a strong arm. Look closely, as arm strength can be nearly undetectable to the naked eye. Has their watchband been replaced recently? Is one of their sleeves distended and torn, Hulk-style? As for the 49ers, I'm pretty sure they'll trade away their pick for a decent frickin' name. Like one that wasn't used on Scooby-Doo. So lame. “Britney Spears is pregnant. Is it true that the real father is not Kevin Federline but rather former NBA star and prolific sire of illegitimate children Shawn Kemp?” -Paul MacIntyre, Savannah, Georgia A: Probably. Frankly, that’s always a good guess. “The Twins look like they’ve got a real horse race on their hands in the Central, but are the Indians and Tigers really ready to contend, or are they still a year away?” -Janice Lun, St. Paul, Minnesota A: So let me get this straight: There are twins in a horse race against indians and tigers? This is like a goddamn children’s book. What are you, 7? “If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
why –Vincent Florentine, Elsmere, Delaware A: Wow. I really don’t know what to do with that. I guess I’ll just answer it as if it was a sports question: Yes, he is a fine player. Expect a breakout season and draft him for your fantasy team. His younger brother, Upton, is also a top prospect in Florida.
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Michael Northrop is a writer and editor living in New York. There may be others. Send your sports-related questions to michael@supermasterpiece.com. . |
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