I don’t know much about the shows on television today, or about the hottest fashion coming out of the clothing factories.  I do, however, have a word processor on my computer.

-JD Ryznar

My Grand Theft Auto Game
& President Bush’s Best Shirts

My most watched television show these days is “My Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Game.” I just bought a PlayStation 2 and borrowed this game from my neighbor. Now, it’s the only thing I watch on my television. This program is the story of “Tommy,” an up and coming transplant from Liberty City trying to make it in Vice City’s underworld. But instead of doing anything to actually make it in the underworld, Tommy spends his days on the streets beating people to death with a billy club and stealing their money. Then, he’ll get a bunch of grenades and go into the ghetto and blow up gangs and steal their money. Now, this usually gets the cops after him big time, but if he changes his clothes or gets his car painted, the cops leave him alone, even if they’re watching him change his clothes or see him drive into the car painter. Every episode ends with Tommy getting bored and driving into the water. You can see “My Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Game” in my bedroom every day.

Have you guys noticed President George W. Bush’s fashion these days? I know I haven’t. Boring, boring, boring. He should change his name to Presi-don’t Nobody Notice My Boring Clothes Bush. Suit and tie, suit and tie, suit and tie. Fake cowboy clothes, golf shirt, golf shirt, cowboy hat, suit and tie. Cowboy hat, suit, tie, boots, golf shirt, jacket with his name on it, cowboy hat, shirt, shirt, pants, grey shirt, cowboy golf hat, tie, cowboy pants, shoes, black shoes, shoes without stripes, baseball cap, tie, suit… I could go on forever. Here is my fashion advice for you, president Bush and all presidents thereafter: stop dressing for success, and start dressing for sucksex.

Questions? Comments? Insider tv or fashion tips? Email jd@supermasterpiece.com

Last week: “The Future of Television and Fashion”