think of the homeless

Dear consumer-

Please excuse the short break from the hilarious comedy you've come to associate with the Supermasterpiece brand.  I've got something important to say.

As the holiday season approaches, it's important to think about those less fortunate then you.  While you sit in comfort in your enormous mansion or elegantly appointed penthouse apartment, try to remember the filthy wretches who don't have your strong work ethic and zest or life.  I'm talking about homeless people, popularly known as "bums".  You know... those pathetic, filthy layabouts who can't get it together long enough to take a shower, let alone get a decent job.

Yes, although you richly deserve your success, and you should feel no shame about having worked hard so that you and your loved ones can enjoy the finer things in life, it doesn't hurt to take a second to think about the weak-minded, lazy, and impotent amongst us who do not have the many, many, many blessings you enjoy and, once again, so richly deserve.

The less fortunate are everywhere.  Perhaps you've seen their filthy, lice ridden bodies as you've walked from your hired luxury car to catch a train at Penn Station.  Or, maybe you've just smelled their vile odor outside the lot where you park your European-made sedan.  Try as we might, there is no point in denying that these pitiable creatures are here, and here to stay.

I believe that it is most important to remember the homeless during the holiday season, a time of family closeness and celebration.  So, while you're enjoying the holidays this year, why not take a few moments for the homeless?  Call your Senator.  Write your elected officials.  Contact your local police force.  Ask them to do something about the homeless.  I mean, can't they be arrested?  Or deported?  Or something?  I don't care how they do it, just get those filthy wretches out of here before they spoil my whole damn holiday season.

I'm doing my part.  Won't you?

Sincerely,

Chris Messick
Chief Executive Officer
Supermasterpiece


Chris Messick is a co-founder of Supermasterpiece.com.  Check out more of his writing here.