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I know what you're thinking. "Great. How the hell am I going to amuse myself on my daily subway ride to and from work? Keep in mind, I don't find body odor amusing. Otherwise, it would be easy." Never fear. I'm in the same boat, but lucky for you I'm an enterprising young "go getter", not someone who waits for strangers on the internet to tell them what to do to stay unbored. As a result, I have come up with the following awesome games, designed to stave off tedium on the train: 1. Homeless... or Hipster? Shaving is out. Ironic shirts are in. Washing one's armpits is sooo 2004, while filthy, ripped jeans are all the rage. These days, it's getting hard to tell New York's jaded looking, world weary hipster population from it's actually jaded and literally world weary indigent community. See if you can tell the difference. A good way to tell whether you've called it correctly is to check out that magazine they're reading. If it's some trendy, style conscious lifestyle rag, you've got a hipster. If its Consumer Report's annual "Fruit Flavored Malt Beverage Comparisons" issue, chances are you've got yourself a homeless guy. Drunk, High, or Crazy? That guy at the end of the car is definitely full of the Holy Spirit. The questions is, what specific conduit did Our Lord select to enter this willing vessel of the Good News, which he is currently mumbling to a dozen or so bleary eyed wage slaves at 8AM? Or is he just out of his fucking mind? Check for pupil dilation, alcoholic breath odors, and/or mental institution ID wristbands. Shit... What The Fuck Am I Sitting In? It's viscous, and clear. No wait, it's actually kind of yellow in color... or is it? It's definitely not urine... I think. Jesus, what the fuck AM I sitting in? This Dude's Too Tough To Use The Hand Rail Sometime,s when the train gets packed, some cowboy will decide he's too macho to ask the women standing in front of him to move over a little bit so he can grab the handrail. Hey, he's a man, right? A tough guy. He can hold his balance no matter what the stupid train does. The fact is, hardly anyone can balance on the train when it comes grinding to a sudden halt or lurches to an unexpected start. A fragile male ego is about to be seriously bruised, so I recommend you sit back and watch the sweet blend of wounded pride and hilarity. Accost the Non-Celebrity You: Hey, you're Larry
David! Okay, so maybe it's
not 1,000 songs in your pocket, but some of these games may be slightly
more amusing then reading the same Bud Light ad over and over again for
45 minutes on your way to work. |
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If
you read the news, you will no doubt have read that iPod related robbery
is on the rise in the New York City Subway system. Nowadays, even
the toniest of Wall Street financiers is likely waiting for you to get
off the train, so he'll have a chance to shiv you in the back and run
off with your iPod.
It's just
not safe to be seen in public with that thing.