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Drinking Games
Classic Novel Drinking Game: Take one drink of whiskey each time you are frustrated by a passage that critics claim is essential to understanding the central metaphor of the book because it seems like a lot of crap about umbrellas or some shit. Take one drink of vodka each time several extremely important characters, all having indistinguishably similar names, are introduced simultaneously about 300 pages into the book. Take one drink of brandy each time you forget the reason you are spending three months slogging through an impenetrable morass of flowery, paid-by-the-word-prose and intensely dull descriptions of societal mores that went out of fashion a hundred years ago. Wall Street Week with Louis Rukeyser Drinking Game Drink every time Alcoa (NYSE:AA) exceeds analysts' predictions for quarterly revenue. NASA Drinking Game Drink every time a NASA mission captures the heart of the American nation by blowing up. Quantum Physics Drinking Game Whenever the mere fact that you are observing a phenomenon causes a series of potentialities to resolve into one actuality, chug a beer. Wagner's Ring Cycle Drinking Game Drink every time the second violins play Seigfried's leit motif. Church Drinking Game Chug a beer each time you hear the phrase "died for your sins." Lottery Drawing Drinking Game Take a shot every time 6207 is drawn for the Pick 4. AA Meeting Drinking Game Drink whenever anyone acknowledges that there is a higher power. Swarm of Killer Bees Drinking Game Take one drink each time a swarm of killer bees descends unexpectedly from out of nowhere and hospitalizes a pet or loved one (take an extra swig if the attack is dramatized on a tv news magazine). Take two drinks each time you are in line for a concert, and a swarm of killer bees cuts ahead of you in line, purchasing the remaining four thousand tickets. Take three drinks each time a school of piranhas inadvertently disturbs a nest of killer bees, unleashing a fucking incredible inter-species, inter-element epic death battle . . . fuck it, go get a keg. Leni Riefenstahl's "Triumph of the Will" Drinking Game Drink every time there is a triumph of the will. Drinking Drinking Game Every time you take a drink, chug a beer. |
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